Showing posts from 2005

Goodbye December 2005

I thought I would get one last entry in before we flip over to the New Year tonite. I had a pretty decent Christmas this year. I got some really nice stuff from Carrie, an MP3 sony CD player, a leather jacket, nice shirts, and a new computer chair so my ass doesn't hurt as much ;) I got her several different good smelling candles, and some chocolates and fuzzy socks with puppies on them. The kids were happy this year, they got pretty much everything they asked for. My son got his Yu-gi-oh duel disc and his new Cybertron Optimus Prime, and Katie got stuffed animals out the whazoo ;) I was really sick last night with pounding headache and fever, and still a little yucky today. I am not sure what it was, I have a week off school, so I head back on Tuesday. If I feel up to it I will study some this weekend. I got back in touch with my friend Troy who I have not talked to in couple years, only for him to lose his job the next day, and he has his first baby due in 6 weeks. I was hop

DREAMS: December 22, 2005

Yesterday I felt tired and bleh most of the day. We had a short Christmas party with food at school, as I was eating pizza my stomach felt weird and I started getting nauseous and sweaty. I was not sure if something was coming on or if it was just stress. But after I finished my second slice of pizza it got worse then around 12:30 I got sick in the bathroom and told the instructor I was going home early, about 3-4 other people left to either due to illness or had Christmas plans. I went home and not too long I went for a nap and slept til about 5, uneasy and woke up in fever and sweating but during the evening I felt better. Around 10PM Carrie and I went to bed, and my head started hurting, nose stuffy. She rolled over as usual without even saying good nite, complained about my breathing instead, and I started off to sleep. I then am laying there and I am awoken by her again saying "I'm sorry I forgot to say goodnite." Then she kissed me, and I was taken back. I s

9 more days ;P

Meanwhile in the life of Tom Marvalo (the kitten we gave away) Only 9 more days until Christmas. My kids are getting excited when I told them its only about a week. Tomorrow Carrie is heading up north to pick up a tree from her Dad's house, so maybe we will be decorating it tomorrow night. I am still getting good grades in school and we finally got past the gluteal massage, it was not as traumatic as I thought it would be ;) I don't remember half of mine since I fell asleep, think I woke myself up snoring and remember the instructor calling to me. I'm actually getting some gifts this year, I think all I got last year pretty much was a bag of rocks from my daughter. I just got finished reading the book "What Dreams may Come" within 3 days. I have not read a book that fast in a long time. There is a lot of info in there that reminds me of myself and circumstances, the book is better than the movie in terms of explaining much more detail and how soul mates work, how

late night ramblings

late night ramblings cant sleep again feel alone worried about the future not looking forward to separation dont want to hurt my kids dont want to lose carrie... its unfair its uncertain i want peace of mind and heart what i want for christmas to open a card and for that card to say "I love you Todd and I am staying with you" nothing would make me happier but i fear christmas will come and go without what I want the most but at least I get to spend it with her and the kids but in the back of my mind I will always know it could be happier well time for bed goodnite

POETRY: Thank you

THANK YOU Thank you for chasing me and holding me down as you tickled and kissed me then rubbed my head on the ground Thank you for being a friend when no one else would one day as we rode our bikes together and I tried to keep up as much as my dorky legs could Thank you for saving my life from drowning that day in the Middleburg pool and for wearing that white bikini that made an  introverted  boy drool Thank you for sitting with me in back of the van on the way home from the beach with your head on my lap as I peeked at your tan (and how far down it did reach) Thank you for being my first real crush that day I kissed you for the first time on the lips and I laughed as you blushed Thank you for for sitting and talking with me that day as you showed me your art and for allowing me to show you another side of my heart Thank you for finding me years later again and for trusting in me and being a friend Thank you for being the first girl to ever sleep in my bed to suprise me and skip off

Why no posts lately?

I have not had much desire to update my blog lately, to be honest most of the reason I wrote in here was because I knew my wife read it daily, and cared about the things I said, looked forward to it, but I just don't feel she is interested anymore (and if you are hon let me know) She has been the main purpose for a lot of things in my life, sorry she did not know that before. I doubt anyone else really reads this much anyway. On a lighter note Brad Pitt's adopting Angela Jolie's baby and Vince Vaughn got pulled over drinking with Jennifer Aniston. If anyone out there does care if I update this, email me. I don't get good emails anymore, just short simple, hows the kids doing and a box full of spam and FWDs: from my grandma. I'm Bored. Got a test on tuesday I guess I should go finish studying for it. Todd

What am I thankful for?

Taking a break from being in a slump and reflecting on what I am thankful for. I am thankful that I have been blessed with a beautiful wife, and 3 beautiful children, and I sincerely hope that I can look forward to be blessed with having them many years to come. I am thankful for the roof over my head, the commodities of life that we all take for granted, for all the hard work my wife has put into this selflessly, and hope someday soon she can realize too how much she has been blessed with, and how unfortunate many other people are out there. She deserves a break though, and I am also thankful that I have been awakened. It is time to forget the past and the hurt and just be thankful of what the Lord has given. For he answers prayers and hears your cries, and will never allow you to go more than your limit. He saw that and brought forth water from a dry well, as a drop from heaven fell on my head and raised me from the dead. Do not let me die again Carrie, I am here to help you realize

Hellooo out there. Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm still alive. Pushing forward day by day the best I can. I'm home alone bored. Carrie is out a tavern alone tonite trying to set up a bartender with her girlfriend. It's so cold out, so glad I did not have to go out in the cold. Feel so lonely lately, don't know what to do about it. Hope Carrie is having a nice evening. I do wish she felt comfortable going out with me, maybe someday she will. I don't have any friends to hang out with really, she was my best friend so this makes it extra tough. I will hold on as long as I can. Nothing good on TV. I've been meditating as much as I can lately, getting brief inspirations here and there, one or two visits from Carrie's mother, more from her today, but afraid to show Carrie, I just don't know if it will help or upset. I am getting chest pain, palpatations, and have not had those in about 5 months. They went away completely when I fell in love again over the summer, and were gone for quite some time

DREAMS: What do Bees, Corn and Jesus have in common?

I am feeling ill today with bowel pain, nausea and headache and did not get much sleep last night, dispite taking some sleep-aid pills to help me rest. I'll be staying home from school today, so I will have to catch up on what theory I missed over the weekend. When I did sleep I had a couple dreams, each different. The dream I had most recently after going back to bed this morning. Carrie, I and the kids were going to eat at a cookout under a pavilion somewhere. I don't think I really knew much of the people, but I think Carrie did. We were getting ready to eat, and they were cooking corn on the cob on the grill. Carrie smiled and said she would pick up both out a nice big cob. She brought me one, and it had to be one of the largest ears of corn I have seen, not ridiculously huge but big. I husked the corn and it looked bright and yellow, except when I turned it over there was a big hole in the center, brown and decaying. Carrie said "They can just cook that anyhow, k

Crappy Cold

Yes its that time of year for hacking and snorting and gagging on your own body fluids ;P Bleh. I have three days here to study, study and study for my next big test which covers 5 chapters of Anatomy, sounds fun don't it? I am actually starting to learn the material but missing 17 out of 50 on a quiz isn't that great. I have to start my anatomy coloring book too but its worth the extra 5 points on my test. I did some energy work at school yesterday which was really cool, most of it I have known how to do for awhile, but it was neat to see everyone opening up to see and work with our energy, that I usually keep to myself. I could see white and pink/purple around the one teacher's aid, who really is posistive about herself and open, while the other instructor who always feels akward in front of people has a more tight glow with greyish blue emanating from it. I partnered up with a friend in class and worked on imagining 'pulling' and 'pushing' with energy fro

Testing testing... :(

My web server was being upgraded with some new Microsoft servers and I was not able to upload for a few days, hopefully they have it fixed now. I got a 94% on my quiz yesterday - that makes me happy seeing how I got a 60 on the one before. I was really feeling out of it earlier this week, and could not concentrate or stay awake from head pain and fatigue. I ended up coming home early. Now poor Carrie is suffering from a bad cold, and I hope she gets better soon. She had a decent birthday on the 30th, I made her a cake and got her the Vin Diesel movie she wanted. Then her friends at work made her a cake too, so she got three cakes this year ;) The kids were cute on Halloween, sorry I did not get pictures but I guess I could just dress them up again. Katelyn was an alligator, Jacob was an M&M and Ariel was a pack of lifesavers, all simple but cute stuff. I am glad they are almost out of candy because that just made them crazier than normal. I'm feeling more comfortable b

I'm back ;)

Sorry I missed writing in my blog for a few days. I was really feeling out of it for about a week, and had to leave school early on Tuesday from extreme fatigue and head pain. But I did a lot better today and got a 94 on my quiz, and forced myself to socialize more ;) actually ate lunch with people outside for a change. I forgot to get pics of the kids in their halloween costumes but I could probably just dress them up tomorrow and get a pic online. Jacob was an M&M, Ariel was a pack of LifeSavers and Katelyn was an alligator. Simple but cute costumes. I am glad their candy is just about gone because they were more nuts than usual. We gave Tom away or perhaps I already wrote that, but we kept the kitten we called Nemo. Nemo is more of a lap cat and is the only cat I have met in years that does not run from me. He climbs up my back and crawls onto my lap or plays on my keyboard as I'm trying to type. I stubbed one of my little toes so bad last night, its all swollen and da

The Guys' Rules.....

Carrie sent this to me. I thought it was good (except I don't like sports and I cry as much as any woman) The Guys' Rules..... At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men ARE not mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do n

Card Readings

I was feeling down today, and did not know what if anything to write about so I did some angel card readings for myself, and an OH card reading. These are basically just random picture / word associations that are layed out in prayer and meditation, and then a question asked to spirit from the heart. I used Carrie's angel cards first and I used the same basic question for both sets. Question: Where does Carrie and my path lead from here? What do I need to know for myself? Will I be alright. Will we find love again? I was prompted to lay out 5 cards. 1) FOCUS: -(Immediate to past 3 months) Focus on self, situation and changes in life. Focused on things important to me, awakened and began to be my true self again. 2) SERENITY: (immediate past to present) Serenity gives clear thoughts, clear mind about what I am supposed to be doing now, answer to prayers, already knowing what path lies ahead and feeling at peace about it. 3) ABUNDANCE: (very near future) Excpect changes in abundant l

Chilling Out

It's starting to feel like Winter already, been dreay for a week and we finally got some sun, but dang its getting cold out. The cold air isn't help my back which I recently must have pulled a nerve helping my uncle move some heavy things around, but the housework is about 95 percent done and looking really nice. We have our new floor in, and he just needs to put up the border around the floor. It feels much nicer in the living room, hopefully someday we can get the kitchen and bedroom done too, and then the basement- I really would like a nice computer area, I've been stuck here typing in the kitchen for months on a very uncomfortable kitchen chair, my butt bone is paying the price for that. ;( Tuesday I have my first test at school. I got around 90percent on my pre-test quiz of 50 questions, and they say the quiz is harder so I should do well on the test, plus I did my anatomy coloring book for extra +5 onto the test ;) Thursday myself and the other only two guys in t

Day 4 - The Back :)

We just now started massaging the back at school, and Thursday I have my first quiz already. The back is a lot more work and things to memorize, and its a workout too. I had got my back done first by my class partner and by the time she was done I was totally relaxed and pain free, but then came time for me to massage and by the time I was done my back was hurting again. I really gotta get used to proper stance and using the whole body to motion instead of just the arms. I really worked up a sweat and for the next few weeks here that's all will be doing is back and feet massages for 2 hours each day. Maybe I'll start losing weight. The kids are all arguing who gets the massage first, I finally found something to settle them down at night. I am feeling like I am giving more than receiving though, so if my cute stuff is out there reading this ::hint hint:: Sorry I said you looked like a blueberry earlier, I meant it in a good way, blueberries are yummy. I think I'm gonna d

POETRY: In My Dreams

In my dreams my mind plays games, where life seems real but not the same. I fly with you across the night into the wind our thoughts give flight, your face glows softly; my guiding light. And in my dreams my hopes come through I find you waiting, with a smile so true You took my hand and away we flew. Across the trees and above the seas we find no fears or boundaries, and know together we can do anything and be anyone we want to be. And in my dreams, You kiss me there and hold me without any other cares, and one we are with no despair. And then you're gone so off I fly, to search for that joy from days gone by. There in my dreams You remember us, and in that world we have our trust. For in my dreams you love me stilll, and I know for you, I always will. But like all dreams they too must end But these dreams don't seem, to fix and mend. For I awake to another day and find that you have gone away, so alone I wonder and I pray, wishing my dreams were here to stay.

School Day 3 - Rubbing Feet

Carrie is finally happy I learned how to rub feet the right way ;) On Thursday we learned to massage the front and back of the feet, though the front part is kinda weird, and did not particulary feel good on my feet, maybe the girl was pressing too hard, but she was good on the rest. I didn't realize how good a foot massage felt. I don't recall ever getting one before, and as I layed there it brought up emotions I had held back all day. :tear: So now all the kids want feet rubbed before bed, and I never imagined you could work up a sweat just doing feet, but its work. My instructor says by the end of the year, and if you are doing about 5 massages a day you have the endurance and stamina of a professional athlete. Sounds cool. Well my uncle Scott is almost ready to start tearing out the carpet and getting in our new floor, I can't wait for that. It's been raining almost non stop for two days and these kids are getting on my nerves. Something about our house just d

Origin of "Laying on of Hands"

Since I have started massage therapy school, I found it interesting of the history of massage traces all the way back to religious ceremony. More in part the oils used both in greeks, Jewish and early Christian traditions. It seems that modern day churches including the LDS have literally little idea of what real "laying on of hands" and the "olive oil" is used for. As far as I understood when I was a member the laying on of hands was merely tradition, and the oil supposedly consecrated to aid in some type of spiritual faith healing. But it originates back in Jewish tradition and even earlier when Hippocrates used oils and found rubbing them in to be beneficial. The early Jewish traditions actually rubbed the oils into parts of the body, and even in the early Christian church back in 50 A.D. The oil was literally rubbed into the head, feet, etc to aid in the healing. Now religion has become so watered down, that the LDS now only annoints through the clothes, or just

My First Day of Massage School

I'm back from my first day of school. It seemed a little long, or perhaps I was just anxious to get home. Once we actually started doing things it was better. I'm just used to getting up a lot to take care of the kids. The first part of the day I tried to hang in there and pay attention, but my mind kept wandering thinking of Carrie and stuff. After I had lunch it went alright from there. I got along with the people well, during breaks I would talk to them. We learned about the history briefly of massage and then learned about chakras and the energy field around the body. The instructor claims she can sense or feel the field. And I really felt interest in that aspect since I have at times seen the chakra points, as well as feel the energy around people, and got tidbits of inspiration there as I was listening. I ended up being the guinea pig for being on the table while the instructor demonstrated sheet folding techniques and how to lay Supine and Prone, where to put the

POETRY: School Stinks

Well I have been up since 6am getting ready and yet my hair still isn't perfect but the best I can do. I'm getting nervous but that's normal I suppose. York Haven stinks, literally. Almost every day lately when I expect clean crisp autumn air I get nothing but this stink blowing in from some factory, wrote a poem about it, like to here it? Here it goes. What is that foul smell that blows in from the south Reminiscent of ass and someones meth mouth. I arise from my sleep to take in some fresh air but instead of big breath of old underwear. No amount of old spice will heal my nose glands Now is that dead cat or is it old ham? I'll try to survive my first day at school even though just outside it smells like a sespool. Later Todd

POETRY: My Prayer

My Prayer As I watched her walk away with no hug goodbye I fought back the hurt as I wanted to cry I've fought for her Lord I've gone through so much Do not I deserve just her simplest touch If you answer prayers which I know that you do Please give me the strength To see this trial through I long for that look of light in her eyes that truly was there or was it disguise Lord I don't know if I can go on another long road alone I'm scared and I'm sad because my path isn't shown I feel I have gone through enough as I look up at the skies wondering why I have lost the love I most prize I need reassurance My heart needs some faith My hand needs your guidance To get past all this wraith Please help me to find her and bring her back home for I know somewhere inside I'm not really alone I don't ask for much and give thanks for all things I just ask that you help take away my broken heart's sting. Todd

Back to School

Tomorrow I start my first day of massage therapy school. I'm anxious and nervous at the same time. This will be a totally new experience for me, as most of my life I have been shy. But this is what I felt led to do, and feel it will defintely help me open to people more, as well I've waited so long to help my wife with finances and I sure hope this opens a door to allow me to do that. I have had my wisdom teeth out for a week now, I did end up getting dry socket, with the nerve exposed and man did that hurt, worse than the actual infected tooth. It's feeling a lot better now, and thank goodness that clove oil they shoved in there is gone. Other than that I am stressed out. I don't want to get into it here in public forum but it couldn't have come at a worse time. I've been in the bathroom constantly, not fun. I feel each day like I am dying inside, just when there was a window of hope - and I was happier than I had been in a looong time. I don't know what to

DREAM: Dimensional Rift

Last night I dreamed of a world wide dimensional rift, that came in from space or appeared to come in from the sun that swept the whole earth or most of it. I was standing outside with a group of people, as they were talking about the news of a large mass heading toward earth from the sun. It seemed it was only a matter of minutes until it hit. I looked up into the sky and saw what looked like a large rippling mass of energy coming toward us. It reminded me of the time rift from Star Trek : Generations that took Captain Kirk into another dimension entirely controlled by thought (basically what the 4th dimension is) People were going into hiding, underground, feeling this would be there only protection if it was something radiocative, storing mass quantities of food and shoving people into caverns and cities. I also remember we had just been hit by several natural disasters in a row, parts of the planet were flooded, some of the major cities were in ruin or underwater, at least in pa

Campbells.. mmm mmm good

Yep that's about all I can eat right now. I had my last two wisdom teeth cut out today. I woke up sick and nauseated this morning. I'm not sure if it was nervousness or just a stomach bug, and as if didn't feel bad enough I had to take a valium on top of that. So I stumble into the operating chair, about 5 people scurrying around me asking me questions, then the last thing I remember is the doctor saying "Just close your eyes..." Then I remember seeing a man floating in front of me glowing gold, and he was in indian sitting posistion, reminded me of when Neo saw Seraph for the first time in the Matrix movies. Then I remember standing beside the doctors looking at them operating, asking the nurse to hand him a tool. I thought "Great I died getting my teeth out." But then I am being woken up being asked how I was feeling and it was all over. Could barely talk, as my whole mouth and jaw was numbed and packed, then I remember laying down in another roo

UFO Rapture?

Last night I had two UFO related dreams. The first dream my wife and kids were in what looked like a fancy hotel or resort type area. There were stores, walking areas, parks, pools, fountains, and even rides inside this place. It looked like daytime. I remember taking the kids over to one of those swing-go-round where it swings them in a circle. I then walked over to look out a large window and saw stars out of it. I then realized we were on board some sort of very large spacecraft. A man walked up to me and said "It's amazing isn't it." I said "What's that." He replied "That they seemingly fit something so large inside of a small space." I then heard my wife saying she had to "go really bad" bathroom I would guess, and we headed back to our room, with the door sliding open like one on Star Trek. She went to releive herself and I jumped on a bed, when I heard my son screaming he had to go pee, and I let him in but then I woke

Toilet Inspiration

Chicken Alfredo is the Devil! Why does everything tasty have to be hell later? Ate a lovely chicken alfredo ready bake meal tonite, but just ended up in pain and goosebumps from so much rest room breaks. I must have a bad reaction to soy, which is in margaines, mayonaise, alfredo sauce. :( There has been a weird sickness going around too with my neighbors, their kids and now my kids, which only seems to last a few hours, if even that, with what appears to be almost no warning signs or symptoms. Perhaps some tiredness afterwards. You will just be standing there, the kid is laughing and having fun or just talking then all of a sudden "blaughghghg..acckk...cough...gag." all over the place. As they have a confused look of terror on their face, like something out of a horror movie, then they feel good to go back to playing. It's like someone has a remote control, invisible and saying "Watch this, when I push this button, they start shooting chunks out their nose!&q

Dream of Energy Crisis / Death of Jessica Lynch

4am September 13th. I just woke up from this dream, interesting one, and scary at the same time. I was down at Rutter's (convenience store and gas station), not sure why, but I was down near the air pump, overlooking the highway / overpass area. I was looking up at the gas prices and saw them going higher. I remember talking to a woman who looked like a hitchhiker. She was carrying a dirty red duffle bag, and a man was with her who seemed to be a few fries short of a happy meal. We were talking about the energy crisis and the government's recent decision to conserve gas and electricity among other things. Now I remember, I must have been waiting in line. There were a lot of people on foot waiting to get small amounts of gas into cans, and they were giving out water in gallon jugs. It was nighttime. Had just gotten dark because I could still see a little bit of the sunset. When suddenly all the power everywhere shut down, could hear generators and hums quieting. Then

Happy Birthday Katelyn & New Photos

Our daughter Katie, turned 7 on September 2nd. We had a nice party for her on Monday with just about every kid on our street. They had fun and we had a delicious ice cream cake from Bruster's, the best stuff. Strawberry-cheesecake. :) As you see I am enjoying it in the picture. For more recent pictures go to We have plenty of hotdogs and drinks leftover to keep me fed for a month. I have to head to the doctor today for a physical for school. My impacted wisdom tooth is hurting bad again. I was up for over 2 hours in the middle of the night, and it hurt so bad it was bringing me to tears. It feels like chewing on tin foil and poking your nerve with a needle at the same time, and everytime I tried to ignore it, it just throbbed more. I eventually must have passed out from exhaustion. Seeing some weird stuff lately. I was sitting here at the computer with my wife 3 evenings ago and saw a white human shaped figure about 3 foot high walk from the sta

Hurricane Manipulation?

There are some closeminded and judgemental folks out there that believe the storms and so forth are God's judgements upon people. I am a non judgemental person, and I believe in a loving creator who does not punish us. In my sentence I in no way meant that this was an event designed by "God" to punish anyone, in fact I have little tolerance myself to anyone who claims this was God's way of saying things are getting bad. I do not believe that. Perhaps I should have made it more clear, that during meditation before the storm hit, my spirit guides shown me that the path of the storm was being guided by "dark forces" with a specific purpose to hurt the economy, and send us into more imbalance. I was shown that H.A.A.R.P. had a hand in making the storm happen the way it did. I was also shown that good spiritual forces were working overtime to counteract this storm. I'm sure someone will think "Oh this is just another conspiracy theory, that we don

DREAM: Japan next?

I awoke crying from a dream the other morning as I watched as huge walls of water filled the streets of Japan, covering up everyone as they went about their daily lives. I am sure Japan has an early warning system, but even so, how many would not be able to make if off the islands in time?? How much it would further put our economy into the crapper if this happens. TOKYO : An extremely strong typhoon was churning toward Japan on Friday and was on course to hit the nation's main southern island next week, the meteorological agency said.

Swaziland’s 13th wife?

Sorry I just had to post this because it was the first news I read this morning and I found it to be a funny typo. This comes from MSNBC, go check it out before they catch the error they made. hehe LUDZIDZINI ROYAL VILLAGE, Swaziland - More than 50,000 bare-breasted virgins vied to "become the King of Swaziland’s 13th wife" on Monday in a ceremony which critics say ill befits a country with the world’s highest HIV/AIDS rate.

Night Visitors

The past two nights sleeping alone I have had some interesting visitations, though one was probably induced, one was startling. Two nights ago about midnite I got to bed after watching some of the movie A.I. (artificial intelligence) I am not sure what is up with that movie, as the first time I watched it I got very nauseated and sick all night. I started feeling out of it again and fell asleep watching it. I went back to bed and as I layed down I looked out the window, and my camcorder and fan are sitting on the sill. As I glanced I saw a shadowy transparant, but obvious hand, in between my camera and fan, it was making a waving, almost grasping motion as its long skinny fingers went from outstretched to clasping. I then saw a shadow, not in any particular shape, move from the window, across the room to near the doorway. At that same exact time my three year old ran down the hallway crying, not sure why but something scared her. I put her back in bed and she sucked her fingers ti

Starseed Characteristics

From (author) Brad Steiger & Revised by Ariana of Cloverleaf Ashtar Command Answers by Todd Jumper *************** 92% have a lower than normal body temperature (I'm usually warmer than my wife) 73% have low blood pressure (not me - its usually normal height) 65& have chronic sinusitis (? headaches maybe) 10% have extra or transitional vertebrae (my tail fell off years ago) 15% have an unusual blood type (like what? lime green?) 10% have both an extra vertebra and unusual blood type (geez a tail and green blood?) 84% are highly sensitive to light (hmm most starseeds I met enjoy light) 72% are sensitive to touch (which part of my body? wink wink say no more) 84% are sensitive emotionally ( Yes... cries...) 46% suffer from swollen or painful joints (Yes, both my freakin' knees) 69% endure pain (or discomfort) in the back of their neck (Only when a 3 year old is sitting on it) 60% are adversely affected by high humidity (Who isn't?! It makes these little salty water d


I just started suffering from a broken wisdom tooth under my gum again, along with a migraine headache from yesterday, and heartburn and poison ivy on my neck, made for one hell of a night's sleep. Toward morning I was still in much pain and I remember Carrie placing her hand on my face and most of the severe pain went away and I do not feel as cranky. I had a dream this morning I was outside the old LDS church I went as a child, and I was packing things into my car, mostly spiritual related books. I was standing on top of a stack of books talking down at people asking them to leave behind their mundane religous ways and come with me. I saw Carrie and her brother Raymond as they were in their teens and called to them. Carrie was the only one who came with me, and Raymie I just gave him the finger out of jest and he took off laughing. Another part of the dream my father had moved back to PA, which sort of looked like the Selinsgrove area, but could have been anywhere. He was ba

Getting ready :)

I have all things in place now to start school on September 28th for Massage Therapy. Carrie took out a loan on her retirement to help with the remaining costs, which she now says I'm her bitch forever ;) That's fine with me. I've been doing some meditation sessions with her, not getting a lot through so perhaps I need to try some new techniques, but somethings I got through last night seemed interesting, so I will write them down. Perhaps it was a future event, or something spiritually symbolic going on behind the scenes. There seemed to be a lot of Catholic images, though I am not Catholic or have any interest in the religion. First I began seeing men in the room in front of me dressed in gowns, white and grey, more like priest robes, and they were standing in line walking slowly in front of me. Then a scene appeared of inside a cathedral from a side view, as men were walking up the aisle. The room was dark, shades of dark blue, very shadowy, with people standing in t

Visit from Fairies?

Ok, now you might think I'm weird, but last night I was visited by two fairies, and no I wasn't smoking anything, I don't do that. I can not say for sure how I saw them, but I know that they overlapped my normal eyesight. I just layed down in bed and was pondering in thought, over the life changes, and energy shifts going on. I was thinking of my wife, and the troubles we have been going through as of late, when I saw in my vision what at first I thought was a butterfly, but then realized it was my inner clairvoyant vision kicking in, but usually I need my eyes closed, course I guess the bedroom was dark enough. This winged creature came fluttering in from my left around my head, its wings were shades of purples and yellows, and then I could see a small skinny white body of a female entity at the center, it was hard to make out the features, since she was surrounded in this sparkling light, but I could make out her glowing eyes and smile. Another one flew in from my right

Birth and Death

Our cat Binky finally gave birth to kitten early Thursday morning. Carrie was up a lot during the night with her, worried and waiting. She came in during the night to tell me it was happening, and showed me a kitten had been born still, and attempts to revive it failed. I waited up awhile downhearted some, until I witnessed another one being born, which was well and alive and still appears healthy. Later that morning, Carrie found the third kitten, also dead underneath some laundry. I buried the brother and sister later that day in the hot sun. My 3 year old daughter who had no knowledge of the exact number of kittens, told my grandmother that "Binky had a dream she had three kittens but when she woke up she had one kitten." Grandma asked Ariel how she knew this, to which she just replied "Because I live in that house!" Carrie then later explained to little Ariel that Binky did indeed have three kittens but two of them had died and gone to kitty heaven. We ha

Happy Birthday and more :)

For those who have forgot, my birthday was on the 5th, I am now 29 years old. I am only one year away from the big 30, I can't believe I am that old. I try to think back to where I thought I was going to be at 20 and I probably thought Jesus would have been back by now and I would be in the middle of world war 3, although some people believe we are. Some people even believe that Jesus is coming back this year in a UFO, and the economy will collapse totally by October, I don't know what to believe when it comes to that, but if it were true, then why would spirit prompt me to start college in September! I guess people are seeking so desperately for a way out of oppresive life that they choose to believe these things will happen, when you can change your outlook on life right now, and it does not need some big drastic event to do it. Enjoy each day for what it is, whatever comes your way and keep moving on. My family just went down to Baltimore yesterday to see the Aquarium


Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80 percent of the congregation held up their hands. The minister then repeated his question. All responded this time except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" the minister asked. "I don't have any." She replied. smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight" she replied. "Oh, Mrs. Jones. Would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."


Enough of the poetry ;) I'm sure it was depressing enough. So I will write about upcoming changes / or current ones in my life. The past month has been difficult but things are getting better. If all goes well with financial aid I will be starting school in September for Massage Therapy. I have awakened, from what feels like a long slumber, and I want to do things I have not done before. I want to help people as well as myself, and feel strongly that this is the right decision, though some people might think its strange for me. I feel different now. Just looking people in the eyes is easy. Sure there are times when I am still quiet, but I am getting better, and walking right up to people, inhibitions are gone, feelings of love I had not had in years are back, I feel like a teenager again. Our cat Binky will also see changes, as any day now she will have kittens. They have really been kicking. You should see how excited MY WIFE (hehe) Carrie is getting and she keeps telling

POETRY: Everyday

Everyday Everyday She smiled at him as he looked blanky back Everyday she told him how much he meant but the shell just wouldn't crack Everyday She kissed his face but in return, an empty space Everyday She showed him love while he was vacant like a glove Everyday she longed for him Everyday she cried a little While everyday he died a little Everyday she sought his hand and tried so hard to understand just what to do and how to mend Everyday would never end Everyday is long enough Everyday is hard Everyday she prayed for him Everyday she reached for him Everyday is long enough Then everyday something changed It makes this world a little strange Everyday was long enough For he broke through, that shell so tough Now everyday he reaches out to find her heart that seems without Now everyday hes here for her But something fled that was so sure And everyday he cries at night and everyday he sees the light and everyday he tries his best to share this warmth inside his chest Everyday is lo