As I lay down another eve, alone without you near. I pray a lighted star shines down upon you and that you see, Despite the darkness and the pain, how much you truly meant to me. As the shadows flee my room, and your face escapes my grasp, I hold onto hope that the love that once was shone.. will one day spark within you at last. In my dreams.. you are there, tears in your eyes and a broken heart. Darkness may have fallen upon the bright Angel that I knew. But there will always be a light above, to guide you through. You saw joy within me, and desired it for your own, And I freely gave, because I cared for you so. But now my joy is gone, and I cry alone. I know you have moved on, But one day you'll look back, once the anger has passed, and you'll remember that summer we had, and may your eyes light up again, as the night gives way to dawn. I tried to heal your broken heart, but in so doing I lost myself. There is no one I have ever loved more true, as the greatest sacrifice I...

Everyday is harder. How am I supposed to let go, when every time I close my eyes, I see your face. When I am alone, I can still feel your pain.  When I am falling asleep, I can hear your voice calling me, and as I fade off, you are waiting for me there, telling me you miss me, holding my hand and asking why did I leave you, if I loved you.

Angel Your darkness ends, where my light begins. And my pain recedes, As your warmth descends. A broken path, our current place Lost souls connect, through time and space. And as you sleep,  I am awake. And as you dream.  My heart it aches. For Within your eyes   I've seen your soul And deeper still  I'm gently pulled  You came into my world  when I thought I was done. My heart longs to stay  while my inhibitions say run. Being pulled to your beauty  as a call from within. Wanting you more   with each breath of the wind. ~TJJ 1/24/2019

I have been alone most of my life, in one way or another.  Looking for the one, or Love in general, always seeming to find that when someone loves me, either I am not emotionally in the right place at the time, or if I am in love with them, they do not want me.  When I do love I love someone hard, but I have also learned there are different types of love, each with their own qualities as we go through stages of maturity in our life. A research study shows that most people only fall in love 3 times in their life until they finally either get it right or find the right one.  Each stage of this teaches us to grow, with the final stage being the easiest and purest form. Stage 1 - Your First Love For most people, including myself, this occured during high school.  You are smitten with someone, overcome with hormones, all the new feelings of being a young adult full of energy and desire.  You feel this feeling needs to last forever and you want to rush into it, ...

Another Day. The hours pass. As night grows near. Another day, without you here. I wait again to hear your voice. Those words, I long to hear you say. Knowing I will be alone again another day. The stars shine down, without you, not as bright, But knowing we look up to the same night skies, Brings hope to these old tired eyes.  But the sun hides it shine, and clouds turn grey, As I sit here waiting another day. Wishing we were together in each others arms, Hoping each day you are free from harm. Knowing deep down we feel the same way. Gets me through another day. O’er the passage of time, And miles apart. Nothing has removed you from my heart. While through the storms, your heart may sway, My love is still here another day. To know someone else has the one I want, Yet does not appreciate your loving grace. Makes me long so much to take his place. And for you I will always pray. That perhaps this too shall pass ...

Stop being the one who has bad things happen to them, instead be the one who goes out of their way to do good things for others.  Be grateful even when you do not feel grateful.  Love even if you do not feel loved. And be kind even when others have not been kind to you. Pain is an illusion that tries to control the mind and stop your progression.  You are NOT how others have treated you.  When you learn to do this you will find you are a conduit of light and you will begin to attract more of that to you and those around you.

I was called up last minute to take my son and youngest daughter up to see the Halloween Parade that my oldest daughter would be playing clarinet in. It's a haul. I got to pick up my kids, my ex wife has not even 5 minutes to leave and get to work in the opposite direction. I unlock all the doors, leave the vehicle for 2 second and then suddenly all the doors for no explainable reason lock behind me with keys in the ignition and power running, music blasting... so we miss the parade and sat around the diner we were at for almost an hour. I wonder why things happen the way they do. If any lesson I learned is to have a spare key on hand located on my person or car, heck maybe I should even make you a spare key. I don't like that its about a 70 mile drive from my place up there... wish I could just hop on over and see kids during the week but don't know if that will happen any time soon You know that I would do anything for you and the kids and drop what I a...

... well I thought I was moving on but I must have had a mental relapse over the weekend.. but it seemed to be some type of spiritual emotional release.. Either that or I time traveled, lets just say it was a very vivid memory.. As my current situation goes, currently in middle of divorce. This experience I had during sleep, is similar to others I have had over the past year or so, but nothing this intense, every time I thought about it I started crying, in fact almost wrecked in the rain last night I was so overcome with so much grief. 10 years ago. I am pulling up outside her apartment. I just helped her move in a week or so before. I see her look out through the curtain, she is waiting anxiously for me. I have the letter she just wrote me sitting in my passenger seat. She signed it "Your eternal companion." I walk to the door and she opens it up with the biggest smile on her face. I am saying to myself in my mind, "Turn back now, this isn't real....