We just finished up our Deep Tissue massage training at school, and I have what I think is my hardest theory test so far coming up on Tuesday, on the nervous system, which even the best in the class are nervous about their grade. I have studied and been working on it for 2 weeks and everything is still so foreign to me, lately not much has been soaking into my brain, and you think with the amount of notes and repitition something would be memorized by now. Well I know a few things, like neurons and glia are nerve cells, and nerve pain is neuralgia, but other than that I think I'm screwed this time. I'll try to keep a positive outlook and find time to study this weekend. I got an 81% on my clinical practical exam, just about everyone else got a 90% or above which really frustrates me having the lowest grade in the class when I thought I was doing so well. A major problem was I had to work on the arm and I was absent that day, as well as being nervous and out of sync that day...

Current mood: aggravated I'm sitting up late again with trouble sleeping, and an upset stomach, probably stress. I'll be home all day tomorrow, missing out on a day of school because Carrie has a required important meeting, so I guess I'll take the kids somewhere for a little, and probably take them into school to check if I have any work to pick up. I really shouldn't miss the gym that much, or at least try to compensate by walking, that really wiped me out today, but I wasn't in the best of moods when I went in. I just found out the only good friend I had from high school just moved to CA without even letting me know when I was just about to go see him, heck I was even thinking about possibly going up this weekend, as I never got to see his baby or meet his wife. So much for getting back in touch with somebody. So that leaves me with one good friend, my wife, who is one day h...

I took my kids to the Fairy Festival south of York today with my mom and grandma. I enjoyed myself for awhile, but my kids did all the fun stuff within the first 20 minutes of being there, and were left with not much left to entertain. While all the fairies and neat costumes were something to look at, eventually you just kept walking in a circle around nothing but people selling stuff, so I was disappointed that it seems to have turned into just a big commercial thing, instead of what I think it was intended for. It was hot and my mom's boyfriend just kept staring at all the young girl's boobs, not that I didn't notice somethings myself, maybe that's why I fell down. Toward the end there I stepped on this old loose piece of cement, lost my footing and fell hard down on my ass in front of everyone, cutting my right leg up pretty good in the process, bleeding and stinging in the hot sun. The kids got tired and cranky so I ended up carrying around my 4 year old on my ba...

3 days in a freaking row now I have had migraines, and no fun trying to study for my next big test. The circulatory system, respiratory system, muscles that work on the forearm and wrists and muscles of the face, is that enough crap or what? I started a MySpace.com blog too, will see if it helps me connect to people better, already got two people contact me within an hour of getting it online, an old neighbor from Lake Meade and an old friend Bob Ricci who does song parodies like Weird Al, Carrie thinks his voice is too whiny though but he's funny. You can go to myspace on the links to the right if you care. Still struggling each day with personal issues, and lately my son has been pooping himself everyday, maybe I should just go work in a nursing home, since cleaning up crap seems to be an everyday occurance, we need to get the poor guy to the doctor, he starts school at the end of summer. Nothing much else new to report lately. It's very nice outside. I could use some money,...

It's been non stop cold dreary rain since I woke up this morning. Such a strange way to end a pretty nice week of weather, hopefully tomorrow is nicer, as I promised to take the kids out to do something. I've just been trying to study and catch up, these muscles just keep getting bigger names and harder. I finally got to work out at the gym after a week or so since my daughters have been sick with colds- I can really tell my arm muscles getting firmer. I tried a harder cardio workout, and couldn't finish all my excercises, that wiped me out good, but at least I know I got a good workout. Been still feeling bleh lately, I talk to people but still having trouble, and defintely hard to keep a good mood, supposedly after depression its supposed to get better? But does it really or most people just have an easier time at covering it up than I do? I'll try to enjoy some time with my kids tomorrow. Here's a ColdPlay song that sums up my feelings at the moment. What if ...

It's been awhile since I posted as I have not had too much to write about lately. I am glad Spring weather is finally kicking in, it seemed the cold air just wasn't going to end. I have missed the gym this week but I did get some walks in. Our instructor at school has been taking us outside to walk as well which is refreshing. I seem to be allergic to something in the school, or things in general lately stuffing me up, and causing sinus pressure. ::bleh:: I need to schedule a doctor appointment as soon as I have money for the copay. I have a lovely list of things to get checked out. Bad knees: My knees have been hurting worse since working out, or doing my clinics and standing in my massage posture, they crack horribly giving massage at times, and bending down on them has been painful. Possible allergies: sniffles, runny nose, headaches in class Eyes: My vision sometimes goes blurry during class when trying to read the board, then some eyepain kicks in. Social anxiety: been suf...

4. Depression. We start to feel numb and turn into zombies. Our anger and sadness may still be there but remains hidden and masquerades as a depressed state. We barricade ourselves in our home or apartment, close the drapes, and refuse to get out of bed. We call in sick at work and cancel plans with friends. We only answer the phone in hopes that it may be 'them' calling, and when we discover it's not them the cycle begins all over again. In order to break the cycle you need to reach Stage 5. Stages that I have been going through pretty exact. http://www.relationshipjourney.com/divstage.html That sums up my state right now. I'm bored, don't know what to do with myself, just as quiet as I was before I was healed, have I regressed or is it just similar? How long will this last. For me the depression lasted for years between relationship. Hopefully the spring cheers me up - this winter is taking too long. I just hope this depression ...