I need to get out.

Sometimes weekends with the kids can stress me out. I'd very much enjoy being anywhere tonite hanging out, maybe drinking a beer and just watching hot young girls at a bowling alley or something. Nah, I'd be happy enough just driving around with a friend. It's so lonely here on weekends with just the kids, reminds me of how lonely and empty inside I was for years, and just leaves me time to sit around and think how much my life stinks right now, builds up anxiety.

I need release, hopefully I get a massage on Tuesday and that will help me calm down. I danced a bit in the kitchen tonite alone, I know I can dance even if it probably looks goofy and akward, but always had inhibitions about doing it in front of other people, I don't mind in front of my kids because they don't judge, or I don't care what they think, but maybe I should just see grown ups the same way, they don't judge and maybe I shouldn't just give a crap about what they think and maybe they will laugh at me the same way my kids do. Maybe I should take Dane Cook's advice and just "dance" screw girls tonite, just throw our shoes in a circle and dance. Maybe I'll grow some balls and ask some of the girls at school to invite me out some night. Maybe I am not motivated enough yet. Then I keep thinking they are young, they don't want a married man with 3 kids coming along but then I am not old either. I need to stop looking down on myself, I'm a good person, just quiet, and I know somewhere inside me is a fun person. My brother has no problem at it, but still just as miserable as I am ;)

Anyone want to take me out let me know. I'm broke though, so you're buying the beer.

P.S. Sorry, correction, Carrie is not a big poopy head. Although she calls me and the kids one all the time ;P She is a wonderful mother and provider, and if it were not for her I would be stuck living with my grandma developing lung cancer and gaining weight from deep fried food and sweet BBQ Utz chips. Thank you for saving me from that Carrie. ;P


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