Taking a break from being in a slump and reflecting on what I am thankful for. I am thankful that I have been blessed with a beautiful wife, and 3 beautiful children, and I sincerely hope that I can look forward to be blessed with having them many years to come. I am thankful for the roof over my head, the commodities of life that we all take for granted, for all the hard work my wife has put into this selflessly, and hope someday soon she can realize too how much she has been blessed with, and how unfortunate many other people are out there. She deserves a break though, and I am also thankful that I have been awakened. It is time to forget the past and the hurt and just be thankful of what the Lord has given. For he answers prayers and hears your cries, and will never allow you to go more than your limit. He saw that and brought forth water from a dry well, as a drop from heaven fell on my head and raised me from the dead. Do not let me die again Carrie, I am here to help you realize ...

I'm still alive. Pushing forward day by day the best I can. I'm home alone bored. Carrie is out a tavern alone tonite trying to set up a bartender with her girlfriend. It's so cold out, so glad I did not have to go out in the cold. Feel so lonely lately, don't know what to do about it. Hope Carrie is having a nice evening. I do wish she felt comfortable going out with me, maybe someday she will. I don't have any friends to hang out with really, she was my best friend so this makes it extra tough. I will hold on as long as I can. Nothing good on TV. I've been meditating as much as I can lately, getting brief inspirations here and there, one or two visits from Carrie's mother, more from her today, but afraid to show Carrie, I just don't know if it will help or upset. I am getting chest pain, palpatations, and have not had those in about 5 months. They went away completely when I fell in love again over the summer, and were gone for quite some time...

I am feeling ill today with bowel pain, nausea and headache and did not get much sleep last night, dispite taking some sleep-aid pills to help me rest. I'll be staying home from school today, so I will have to catch up on what theory I missed over the weekend. When I did sleep I had a couple dreams, each different. The dream I had most recently after going back to bed this morning. Carrie, I and the kids were going to eat at a cookout under a pavilion somewhere. I don't think I really knew much of the people, but I think Carrie did. We were getting ready to eat, and they were cooking corn on the cob on the grill. Carrie smiled and said she would pick up both out a nice big cob. She brought me one, and it had to be one of the largest ears of corn I have seen, not ridiculously huge but big. I husked the corn and it looked bright and yellow, except when I turned it over there was a big hole in the center, brown and decaying. Carrie said "They can just cook that anyhow, k...

Yes its that time of year for hacking and snorting and gagging on your own body fluids ;P Bleh. I have three days here to study, study and study for my next big test which covers 5 chapters of Anatomy, sounds fun don't it? I am actually starting to learn the material but missing 17 out of 50 on a quiz isn't that great. I have to start my anatomy coloring book too but its worth the extra 5 points on my test. I did some energy work at school yesterday which was really cool, most of it I have known how to do for awhile, but it was neat to see everyone opening up to see and work with our energy, that I usually keep to myself. I could see white and pink/purple around the one teacher's aid, who really is posistive about herself and open, while the other instructor who always feels akward in front of people has a more tight glow with greyish blue emanating from it. I partnered up with a friend in class and worked on imagining 'pulling' and 'pushing' with energy fro...

My web server was being upgraded with some new Microsoft servers and I was not able to upload for a few days, hopefully they have it fixed now. I got a 94% on my quiz yesterday - that makes me happy seeing how I got a 60 on the one before. I was really feeling out of it earlier this week, and could not concentrate or stay awake from head pain and fatigue. I ended up coming home early. Now poor Carrie is suffering from a bad cold, and I hope she gets better soon. She had a decent birthday on the 30th, I made her a cake and got her the Vin Diesel movie she wanted. Then her friends at work made her a cake too, so she got three cakes this year ;) The kids were cute on Halloween, sorry I did not get pictures but I guess I could just dress them up again. Katelyn was an alligator, Jacob was an M&M and Ariel was a pack of lifesavers, all simple but cute stuff. I am glad they are almost out of candy because that just made them crazier than normal. I'm feeling more comfortable b...

Sorry I missed writing in my blog for a few days. I was really feeling out of it for about a week, and had to leave school early on Tuesday from extreme fatigue and head pain. But I did a lot better today and got a 94 on my quiz, and forced myself to socialize more ;) actually ate lunch with people outside for a change. I forgot to get pics of the kids in their halloween costumes but I could probably just dress them up tomorrow and get a pic online. Jacob was an M&M, Ariel was a pack of LifeSavers and Katelyn was an alligator. Simple but cute costumes. I am glad their candy is just about gone because they were more nuts than usual. We gave Tom away or perhaps I already wrote that, but we kept the kitten we called Nemo. Nemo is more of a lap cat and is the only cat I have met in years that does not run from me. He climbs up my back and crawls onto my lap or plays on my keyboard as I'm trying to type. I stubbed one of my little toes so bad last night, its all swollen and da...